To do or not to do...that was the question?
The day was approaching. I had scheduled a professional photographer to come to my house and photograph my newest baby girl. She was almost seven-months old, and we hadn't even made it to Sear or Penny's or anywhere for photos. This task must be done, or I can just hear now how I never loved her as much as her brother. Well, since the photographer is coming anyway, I might as well have photos done of big brother Kade too, since it had been some time since nice pictures had been taken of him also. Well...it would be great to get some of them together and maybe with Dad. Oh, and I really do want some of Dad...we might as well just have the photographer take pictures of the whole family.
I begin to think to myself...Family photos? The anxiety is welling up in me...maybe I can postpone the pictures for a few months and get a few pounds off. I will call him tomorrow and reschedule. But, what about Autumn?? I need her pictures done. Now. What am I going to do?
This is the dialogue that ran in my head for days before something as simple as a family photo. For some, this is a great day full of pride and joy for the family you are a part of. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of my family, but not always proud of myself.
Forget that I am a great mom, wife, friend and kind and generous women in general, I AM FAT, and that changes all. It is so sad that having extra weight can be such a horrible prison.
As time passed, and I continued to think about pictures, I couldn't help but recognize that just as I want to preserve my kids as they are right now, they will someday want to see me and love me for who I am right now.
I am done apologizing for who I am right now. My kids need to know all of me - not just the fat me. So...here we are...all of us...and the real me.
The day was approaching. I had scheduled a professional photographer to come to my house and photograph my newest baby girl. She was almost seven-months old, and we hadn't even made it to Sear or Penny's or anywhere for photos. This task must be done, or I can just hear now how I never loved her as much as her brother. Well, since the photographer is coming anyway, I might as well have photos done of big brother Kade too, since it had been some time since nice pictures had been taken of him also. Well...it would be great to get some of them together and maybe with Dad. Oh, and I really do want some of Dad...we might as well just have the photographer take pictures of the whole family.
I begin to think to myself...Family photos? The anxiety is welling up in me...maybe I can postpone the pictures for a few months and get a few pounds off. I will call him tomorrow and reschedule. But, what about Autumn?? I need her pictures done. Now. What am I going to do?
This is the dialogue that ran in my head for days before something as simple as a family photo. For some, this is a great day full of pride and joy for the family you are a part of. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of my family, but not always proud of myself.
Forget that I am a great mom, wife, friend and kind and generous women in general, I AM FAT, and that changes all. It is so sad that having extra weight can be such a horrible prison.
As time passed, and I continued to think about pictures, I couldn't help but recognize that just as I want to preserve my kids as they are right now, they will someday want to see me and love me for who I am right now.
I am done apologizing for who I am right now. My kids need to know all of me - not just the fat me. So...here we are...all of us...and the real me.
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1 comment:
I'll tell you, I always love your pictures. In fact, it's probably because I envied your photogenic qualities and (what I perceived as) your confidence in front of the camera that I started getting bolder about letting my picture be taken. I'm glad you went through with the family photos, they're beautiful. ALL of you are beautiful in them. Even Mark. :P
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